Once Upon a Time … I was young and full of energy. I felt invincible. I spent an entire day in bed watching 90210. I had all the time in the world. I was career focused. I was single/married/divorced. I was debt free. My night started at 11pm by choice. I had no agenda. I slept in. I ate my entire meal in one sitting and I certainly didn’t have to share with anyone. I could have a phone conversation in peace. I never left the house without showering. I changed my clothes immediately upon discovering a spill/spot/rip. I went to the movies. I listened to loud music. I drove fast. I splurged on clothes, shoes. bag and many other non-necessities.
Now I’m a Mom.
I’m tired. Always tired. I fantasize about taking a nap – in the middle of the day – in my car – on the side of the road. I literally fell asleep at a stop light the other day, because I am THAT tired. I can’t remember what sleeping in feels like and given the opportunity to watch TV in bed all day, I think I would just fall asleep and drool all over my pillow.
Time expires before I can even count the days/hours/minutes and then I’m cramming to get the minimum completed before it’s completely gone. How can 30 minutes go by in a mere 5? I must be living in some hyper-speed vortex of life. Just last month I was 16 learning how to drive, a few weeks ago I was in college learning HTML and Java, last week I was starting my career, yesterday I was having a baby and today – today I am planning his 1st Birthday!
What I would give for just one day in my 20s. I’d sleep till noon, call up a friend and go shopping for a something I’ll only wear once. We’d skip dinner and head back to my place to get dolled up and go out dancing. There would be drinks and shots and we’d dance out young, energetic hearts out. We’d hit the local grease pit for coffee and some eggs and then roll into the house around 3am – at which point I would realize the time and freak the F out because the baby will be up soon!
Maybe I’ll just settle for an early dinner and a movie.
I love being a mom and I absolutely LOVE my boy! Have you seen him? He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I miss him when he is sleeping. He exhausts me, but he gives me such a sense of pride and joy. I never knew I wanted this life until I started living it. Everything else is secondary to him. Work, sleep, showers, exercise, meals, arriving on time … he is my priority now.
I can’t believe he is almost 1.