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Date Review: Space Invader

Last night I accepted an invitation to drinks with the guy I met through Chemistry last weekend. I was looking forward to getting out and enjoying a couple of beers with some good conversation.

I had already told this guy that I was not looking for anything right now and really wasn’t into dating, but figured there is no harm in meeting someone new. He’s local and going through a divorce so at least we had that in common.

I arrived at the bar and he had already been waiting.  I typically opt for meeting at a diner or restaurant … places where you are not seated closely or sitting right next to someone at a bar… and I came to realize pretty quickly that I am not a fan of this situation at all!

Strike one: Immediately he began resting his feet on my chair. This was my first feeling that my personal space was being invaded. Seriously, I think on a first meeting you should be extremely respectful of the other person’s space. I am not a closey-close kind of person right off the bat and this made an already uncomfortable situation even more so.

Strike two: Drilling me on what I like/dislike and trying to validate yourself with each answer. Do guys really think that this will convince me they are my perfect match? Maybe I should have just been raw and honest and broke him down piece by piece as to why I already knew I wasn’t feeling it?

Strike three: As if the foot on my chair isn’t enough invasion… please don’t rest your knee against me. We just met! There is no reason what so ever that any of your body should be touching mine. So back off and recognize that I am inching away every time to try this move. Not to mention I have totally turned my body away from you at this point.

Last and final strikes: Under no circumstance what so ever is it appropriate to grab a woman’s hand and hold on to it. This happened TWICE! The first time was early on and he wanted to see my wrist tattoo… ask me and I will be happy to give you a good view of it, but grabbing my hand and holding it is a major DON’T.

The second time he grabbed both my hands to look at my nails and just held on to them! WHAT THE HELL!? This was so inappropriate. I said “can I have my hand back??” and pulled away.

I wonder what the other people at the bar thought of us. I wonder how obvious it was that I was totally not feeling this guy. I wish someone had stepped in to save me.

So, in conclusion – the beer was excellent but the company was far too intrusive.  Not to mention our conversation consisted of what I like/dislike, his soon to be Ex Wife who still lives with him, and Cats. *yawn*

Maybe it’s just me? Are there any women out there who like this sort of behaviour?

Time Sunday, October 17th, 2010, 12:29 PM   |   CategoryDigitally Dating  |  RssRSS feed |  CommentRespond  |  TrackbackTrackback

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  • @alexpokerguy

    The ones that do are likely to be behaving far differently than you were. You attempted to be obvious without being rude or patronizing. The disturbing aspect for me us not so much that he misread your signals, but that he was ignorant to the necessity of a) space until direct or indirect invitation and b) that physical ‘tells’ are critical at a first meeting… His desire to be agreeable on conversation would have been better served in the non-verbal department. The silver lining is perhaps flattery was in play, and youveere able to cross another one off the list … And good beer ;)

  • http://dossy.org/ Dossy Shiobara

    There’s a reason this guy’s getting divorced.

    NOT A WINNER. PLEASE PLAY AGAIN.

  • Kat

    I have to admit – your post gave me the willies a little bit! I don’t have major issues with personal space but in a “getting to know” you situation, I think his behavior is out of line. I can’t think of any good reasons why he would have any extended hold on your hands, or any other part of your body. I’m impressed you made it through the whole date!

    • http://thedivarockin.com TheDiva

      Well, Like I said – that beer was REALLY good :)

  • http://billcammack.com/ Bill Cammack

    Good write-up. :)

    Basically, it’s a guy’s *job* to try to “Get it in” when he meets up with a gal for a date. He’s going to go for it regardless of your telling him “I’m not looking for anything right now”, and whatever else you said ahead of time.

    If he didn’t want to hook up with you, he would have asked another gal out on a date. Having said that.. I agree that his technique was LOUSY and he shouldn’t have gone about it the way he did. Not because it was “inappropriate”, but because the technique wasn’t going to get him what he ultimately wanted from you.

    I agree with all your ‘Strike’ assessments. As far as someone “stepping in and saving you”, that’s just about NEVER going to happen. As a woman involved in the dating game, you’re going to have to decide what your boundaries are and you’re going to have to decide that you will give someone a polite warning (if you feel like it), but if they persist, you’re going to shut them down. Period.

    Nobody’s coming to save you. Nobody’s coming to give him etiquette lessons. Nobody’s coming to give him dating tips. Your technique of meeting these guys in public places is an excellent one that you should stick to until you feel safe & comfortable with a particular guy.

    You should also keep your eyes on your drink at all times. I know that sucks, but it’s the truth.

    Better Luck Next Time!!! :D

    • http://thedivarockin.com TheDiva

      Bill, you always give such great feedback! Thanks. Maybe I will point the guy to this post and suggest he follow your posts as well :D You always tell it like it is, but in a really cool matter-o-fact kinda way.

      Keep it up!

      • http://billcammack.com/ Bill Cammack

        You’re welcome, Diva. :)

        Going on dates, for women, is like being on the subway. If you move over, that person next to you will take up the extra space you left and you’ll be just as uncomfortable, but now you’re in a worse position.

        You’re way better off looking “rude” and deliberately announcing what’s getting on your nerves (like I said, perhaps after a polite hint first) than letting him think that he can encroach and encroach and you’re never going to actually tell him to stop.

        If he still wants to date you after you shut down what you consider to be inappropriate behavior, perhaps y’all can move forward as friends or more. If he doesn’t want to date you, you know his plan was to “get to the good part” instead of getting to know anything about you at all.

  • Pingback: Dating Encroachment & “Inappropriate” Behavior | Bill Cammack

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