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Struggling with Myself

Like many women I constantly struggle with my self image and confidence level, which often takes a toll on my participation in the dating game.

There have been few times in my life that I look back on and feel like I was in great shape and confident, but honestly even then I had a bad self image. I always thought I was fat. So it’s no surprise now that I am twice the size and struggling.

I always tell guys that I am talking to online and interested in meeting that “I look better in pictures” and in my eyes I really do. I only put out those images in which I feel I look good, but in reality I am not so sure all the time.

This post is not meant to be a pity party, nor am I looking for a bunch of comments to boost my ego…I’m processing my thought publicly because this is what is on my mind…and I have a date tomorrow night.

I fear that I am not going to meet his expectations in person and that I am not going to be his type – body type. This is horrible and really, what do I care? So be it! No one is perfect, it’s who you are on the inside that counts, and all those things you hear that are supposed to make you feel better, right?

Meh.

From what I know of this guy he works out regularly and takes good care of his body. I’ve also learned a bit about the women in his past and this has me concerned because I know I can’t compete. It’s just not me.

I’m going to try and keep an open mind and not put too much pressure on myself about all of this, because I know I’m a fun chick, I’m cute, witty and I get along well with most everyone. I do have a lot to offer, but to be quite honest I’m not really sure I am looking to offer it all up right now.

Here’s hoping tomorrow brings the start of a new friendship at least and we can go from there!

I would like to know what my readers biggest hangups are in these pre-first date situations. I know I am not alone, so please feel free to share a bit in the comments!

Oh and P.S. if you read my previous post on The Execution of a First Date you may have picked up on the fact that I am skipping step Six :)

Time Friday, April 2nd, 2010, 10:25 AM   |   CategoryDigitally Dating  |  RssRSS feed |  CommentRespond  |  TrackbackTrackback

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  • http://www.digitallydating.com/ Kat

    I’m not so sure I would say you “look better in pictures”. To me, you’ve done your job – you’ve put the pictures out there, and it’s up to him to decide the rest. I also don’t think you “look better” in pictures. I think you look the same. This may set up an expectation that you are doctoring yourself in some way.

    I am reminded of the time I had a coffee date and upon seeing me, the guy looked as though he wanted to bolt from the table. Can’t say I didn’t feel somewhat the same – there’s a big difference between 5’9” and 5’5”, buddy! But in the end, that’s all it was – just a meet-up. If I’m not for him, then so be it. And by all means, if my award-winning personality doesn’t charm the pants off you, then we DEFINATELY don’t have a future!

    Try not to think about it so much :-)

  • thewilled

    Let me just say that the one time I met you outside of the internets I thought that you looked much better than your pictures indicated.

    However I feel a bit of the same way, of course I think a majority of my pictures just make me look like a small Jabba the Hutt (well maybe not much smaller.) Regardless of that, if he’s just a guy that’s going to neglect you as potential just because you’re not his “body” type, then he’s just stupid. Everyone chances physically over the time of their life, and even then there are some people that look much better with a little meat on their bones than when they’re skinny sticks.

    To be completely honest, and I think this goes both ways for guys and girls, it’s not usually about how you look, but how you feel in your skin. If you’re very very uncomfortable with yourself that will come through, and that’s what might hurt you. Just learn to be happy as you are, and if there’s something you want to change work at changing it and just be comfortable with the fact that you’re at least working towards the aspects you don’t like. Of course keep in mind, a lot of times something that you don’t like about yourself may be what someone else loves about you, it’s the imperfections that set us apart and make us beautiful.

  • http://www.structuredthought.org AlexDeGruven

    Don’t even bother yourself with competing with anyone, let alone anyone in someone else’s past. Spend too much time dwelling on that, and you’ll miss out on the fun you could be having while you’re out.

    Just have fun, be yourself, and let it go as it may.

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