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Posts tagged ‘dating’

June 13th, 2012

Rejection: Ripping the Bandaid

“Rejection is a part of life.  Everyone experiences it.  Everyone doles it out.  Accept it.  Learn from it.  And move on.” – Something She Dated: A How-To Guide to Rejection.

Funny that this post show up in my stream today.

When I recently met “DC” it was completely unplanned and totally unexpected. I was living high on the life of a single chick, in a new town, making all new friends and not having a care in the world about dating. That’s when they say it happens.

It happened and I want to be with him every day more than the last. I am growing to know him better and better and it feels right. I’m giving up my Single Status.

But back to the being Happily Single. Some may argue that I was less than concerned about dating thanks to long term non-commital casual relationships.

I don’t deny it. It’s my life and it’s what made me happy at the time, but I’ve decided to let that happiness go in exchange for something that just feels right and thus I am faced with having to issue a rejection.

I’ve been quite successful in the past with most opportunities to cut someone off, crush them, break hearts.

The shitty part is hurting someone’s feelings. Worse the closer you are, because you can’t help but care for them, after all if you didn’t you wouldn’t have kept them around.

That is why it was so amazing that this advice should appear in front of me like fate. The same fate that has brought DC and I together. The one I am following with an open heart and open mind.

“As for how to do it?  It’s still simple.  A text, a phonecall, an email.  While some people may get all crazy about the method of how something is done, the truth is they’re usually just hurt at being rejected (which is normal) and it’s less about the medium than the message.  So be thoughtful and kind but blunt.  Don’t send mixed messages, just be honest, you’re not into them.”

My medium is obvious. I’m truly sorry if you were expecting more from me or thinking what we had was going to last forever. It’s not, so I need to wish you all the best, but goodbye.

If you get this kind of rejection, it’s okay to feel hurt, that’s life.  It’s even okay to moan about it to your friends and throw a hissy fit in the privacy of your own home.  What you want to do is respond politely and rationally and keep the crazy to yourself because the truth is the hurt and anger will fade and you never know if that person will have taught you something or will have another role in your life.  Don’t burn your bridges like a crazed lunatic, eat some ice cream and get past it.”

Please go read all the other awesomeness of A How-To Guide to Rejection: Knowing How and When to Reject Someone (and how to react when it happens to you.

February 10th, 2011

How About We…

It’s 2011 and Online Dating has become *the* most popular way to meet people… but haven’t we had enough of wading through seas of profiles in search of potential matches? Spending hours tweeking our likes/dislikes in hopes of catching the eye of that special someone? Wasting days upon days in correspondence till finally one of you suggests a meet?

Who even has the time anymore!?

Well good news fellow daters! HowAboutWe is here and they have an all new, exciting and adventurous approach to Online Dating!!

HowAboutWe is about putting the date back in dating. It’s simple and get’s right to the point! You sign up, complete a couple of brief profile questions, then just fill in your “How about we…” with date you want to go on! They even offer suggestions to help you get started.

After signing up you can view other member’s “How About We…” suggestions with options for bookmarking, letting the member know your intrigued, or straight up sending them a message. What’s even cooler is the Twitter and Facebook integration for the over-sharer in all of us. 😀

There weren’t too many members in my area *YET* but I really enjoyed surfing through all the “How About We…”s and even bookmarked a few ideas! Never again will I find myself stuck in an endless loop of “I dunno, what do YOU wanna do??”

Want some more good news? Just in time for Valentine’s DayHowAboutWe.com is offering a special 33% Off their service! Just use Promo Code: VDAYFUN when you Subscribe.

So go check it out! Get out there and DO something!!

October 26th, 2010

So Indecisive

That is me for quite some time now and I feel as though I am getting worse with time and singularity.

I enjoy being single. It’s nice to have all this time to myself after many, many years of there always being someone else to consider. I’m pretty selfish in general so naturally I’m quite content having me all to myself.

So why do I keep feeling like I need to date or find a man to share a part of my life with? Do I really need one? More importantly do I really want one? Is what I am feeling a result of society’s influences on me? I swear it’s like being a teen who feels the need to rock the latest designer jeans … ‘cus all her friends are doing it.

True, not ALL my friends are dating or in relationships, but those who are seem to be more prevalent to me then those who aren’t and I do feel a bit envious of them.

It would be so nice to have someone around to hang out and watch a movie with, to cook for/with, to enjoy a night out with occasionally, to plan adventures with, to take little day trips into the city for a walk in the park, or visit a museum, or go to a concert, maybe a drive to the shore or a scenic ride in the country?

All of that sounds so nice, but I still can’t decide if I really need it. What’s worse is I haven’t the slightest idea how to find it or maybe I just don’t have the patients to wait for someone to fill the position so I bounce between wanting and not wanting it for myself.

Am I wrong in thinking when the time is right it will all fall in to place? When the right one comes along I will just know it? Or are there a specific set of actions I should be taking in my life to put me on the right track?

XOXO Diva

October 24th, 2010

Blown off the Market

I recently started talking to this guy on OKCupid. I haven’t been fully out there looking to date anyone right now, but I still check my online dating profiles about once a week to sort through new messages and chat with other members about online dating and such.

Well, this guy seemed interesting enough and so I pursued a first date. The plan was set and we were to meet for drinks on Thursday after work. It just so happened he wanted to meet at the same place I had just met that guy from Chemistry.com who turned out to be a total fail. This should have been the only sign I needed.

Thursday fell through. He got tied up with work and then in traffic and by the time he would have gotten there it would have been too late, so we pushed to possibly doing drinks on Friday. I don’t know if it would have actually happened or not but I ended up canceling on him thanks to some extreme stomach pains. . . Ice Cream and I are no longer friends.

So once again we rescheduled – this time Saturday Lunch. I got up and went to the gym early and started to get a little concerned as I hadn’t received a confirmation on what time we would be meeting. We exchanged a couple texts while I was at the gym, but no answer to what time. I got home from the gym, showered and started getting hungry. Still no reply. Getting blown off apparently.

Then I decided to text his work phone and he explained that he left his cell at home when he had an emergency at work he had to attend to. He seemed sincere and asked me if we could do dinner. I agreed and went on with my day, but once again I didn’t get a time to meet. . . I’m obviously not too great at date planning.

Dinner time rolls around and he is MIA. I decide to wait until 7 before totally giving up figuring he might have gotten caught up.  6:58 a text comes through – “Hey Cutie! Came home and fell asleep”.  That’s it. No other signs of life what so ever and another platinum member of the Douchebag Club is born!

So what have I learned from all of this?

As much as I wasn’t looking for anything super serious to come out of this 1st date, I am very sensitive to rejection.  This made me think about how I have made other people feel by rejecting them and I am really not feeling that scene right now.

One good thing that has come out of all of this is an opportunity to give it another go with a guy who I’ve been talking to for a few months now. I haven’t really given him the fairest shot, but he also has some things to work on if he wants to keep me hooked. Lucky for him I am good at bossing…err… giving direction….uhh….constructive criticism. 🙂

I hope he really is up for the challenge, cause I think we’ll make a pretty good team.

October 17th, 2010

Date Review: Space Invader

Last night I accepted an invitation to drinks with the guy I met through Chemistry last weekend. I was looking forward to getting out and enjoying a couple of beers with some good conversation.

I had already told this guy that I was not looking for anything right now and really wasn’t into dating, but figured there is no harm in meeting someone new. He’s local and going through a divorce so at least we had that in common.

I arrived at the bar and he had already been waiting.  I typically opt for meeting at a diner or restaurant … places where you are not seated closely or sitting right next to someone at a bar… and I came to realize pretty quickly that I am not a fan of this situation at all!

Strike one: Immediately he began resting his feet on my chair. This was my first feeling that my personal space was being invaded. Seriously, I think on a first meeting you should be extremely respectful of the other person’s space. I am not a closey-close kind of person right off the bat and this made an already uncomfortable situation even more so.

Strike two: Drilling me on what I like/dislike and trying to validate yourself with each answer. Do guys really think that this will convince me they are my perfect match? Maybe I should have just been raw and honest and broke him down piece by piece as to why I already knew I wasn’t feeling it?

Strike three: As if the foot on my chair isn’t enough invasion… please don’t rest your knee against me. We just met! There is no reason what so ever that any of your body should be touching mine. So back off and recognize that I am inching away every time to try this move. Not to mention I have totally turned my body away from you at this point.

Last and final strikes: Under no circumstance what so ever is it appropriate to grab a woman’s hand and hold on to it. This happened TWICE! The first time was early on and he wanted to see my wrist tattoo… ask me and I will be happy to give you a good view of it, but grabbing my hand and holding it is a major DON’T.

The second time he grabbed both my hands to look at my nails and just held on to them! WHAT THE HELL!? This was so inappropriate. I said “can I have my hand back??” and pulled away.

I wonder what the other people at the bar thought of us. I wonder how obvious it was that I was totally not feeling this guy. I wish someone had stepped in to save me.

So, in conclusion – the beer was excellent but the company was far too intrusive.  Not to mention our conversation consisted of what I like/dislike, his soon to be Ex Wife who still lives with him, and Cats. *yawn*

Maybe it’s just me? Are there any women out there who like this sort of behaviour?