Tales from Relationship Land, by Kat Glimmer.
Serial dater Jennifer Love Hewitt, hereto-forth referred to as “J Ho” has just published a book on dating called The Day I Shot Cupid. I had no real expectations about the book prior to it’s arrival at the library, but now that I have had a chance to leaf through it, I’ve decided that J Ho needs a good, swift kick in the mouth.
Let’s discuss some of J Ho’s dating advice:
Spray Tan is a Must Before a First Date. Why? Because men are attracted to orange?
Vajazzle It! Let’s not give Kera any more ideas about what to do with her Who-Ha.
Don’t Get Tipsy to Calm Nerves. Screw you! Some of my best dates have been drunk!
Don’t Take a Diuretic – You Will Pee All Night Long. I’m sorry – when did diuretics become popular with the under 80 crowd?
Don’t Worry if He’s 15 Minutes Late. No way! Punctuality is a sign of respect. Get a watch. Or a cell phone if you can’t tell time!
Vomit Worthy. What HE should say on the first date:
Your Friends Didn’t Do You Justice in the Beauty Department. Why? Did your friends give birth to you?
Full on Bitch Slap Worthy: Hard Core Truths about Men
Men Don’t Love to Spoon or Cuddle. Oh, C’mon! I thought we dropped this one when manscaping came along.
They Should Succeed in Business and Have to Be Supported in Their Dream. Advice given from someone who has obviously never been married.
They Can’t Read Our Minds. Proof that J Ho should have been a rocket scientist and not an actress.
So, as you can see, J Ho and I don’t share much in common as far as our dating advice. But I will give her props for one thing. Under “What a Man Should Know”, is How To Pick A Great Bottle of Wine. But I’ll slap any of YOU who buy the book just for that reason.
